The Times I Knew I Was Gay

By Eleanor Crewes. Published by Virago. 

Softcover, 320 pages, B&W, 2020.

‘It’s for everyone. Candid, authentic and utterly charming’ Sarah Waters, author of Tipping the Velvet
‘Funny and super relatable’ Alice Oseman, author of Heartstopper

A tender and funny graphic memoir about identity, love and Willow from Buffy

Ellie always knew she was different. Contrary and creative, she wore black, obsessed over Willow in Buffy and somehow never really liked boys. As she grew, so did her fears and a deep sense of unbelonging. From her first communion to her first girlfriend via a swathe of self-denial, awkward encounters and everyday courage, Ellie’s journey is told through tender and funny illustrations – a self-portrait sketched out from the heart.

The Times I Knew I Was Gay reminds us that sexuality is not often determined by falling in love with others, but by coming to terms with oneself; that people must come out not just once but again and again. Full of vitality and love, it will ring true for anyone who took time to discover who they truly are.

A really poignant look at the fuzziness and confusions of queer life Ruby Tandoh, author of Eat Up

Evocative, authentic and hilarious. As a gay woman I'm constantly looking for content that feels true to my own experiences, that helps me understand myself more. In this book, I found that Tillie Walden, author of Spinning

Ellie Crewes' honesty should be applauded in quietly and succinctly challenging a social obsession with trying to fit people's sexualities into restrictive categories Nicola Streeten, author and co-founder of Laydeez Do Comics

Witty, poignant and beautifully observed Andy Oliver, Broken Frontier

Charming, honest and very readable Alex Thomas, Pipedream Comics

Candid, so funny, and super relatable. Perfectly captures all of the confusing, complex, scary, and euphoric realisations in coming to terms with your sexuality. Alice Oseman, author of Heartstopper

Crewes' beautifully illustrated memoir will appeal to anyone who's had to negotiate the awkward, thrilling, sometimes hilarious, sometimes bewildering loops and cul-de-sacs of the journey into adulthood and self-knowledge. In other words, it's for everyone. A candid, authentic and utterly charming book. Sarah Waters

Moving, funny, romantic, wise and honest. I wanted to shout 'I felt like that too!' so many times while reading this book - it will help so many people feel less alone. It's a beautifully told memoir about accepting yourself for who you are, and finding peace, happiness and love. Kate Davies, author of In at the Deep End

Beautiful - I cried and couldn't stop reading. It's a wonderful inspiration. Sara Quin, of Tegan and Sara

First published as a hand-stitched zine that Crewes delivered around London on her bike, The Times I Knew I Was Gay won us over before we'd even started reading. While this frank and touching graphic memoir touches on many familiar queer experiences of growing up, such as bullying and an obsession with Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Crewes is admirably candid about her own shortcomings - "I was pretty scared of being rejected so I took my fears out on my friends" - and her struggles with food which she describes as "a subconscious way to direct myself from the fact that I was gay". It's not all sad, however - Crewes's description of her first love after coming out is adorable. This heart-warming book is also a welcome reminder that coming out looks very different for each of us and that there is no "right way" to do so Independent

The book brims with hope, and the joy that arises when one is finally ready to step out into the world O, The Oprah Magazine

Crewes' commitment to telling a not-neat story is the best thing about her great memoir . . . When young adult Ellie looks into a doorframe filled with five of her past selves readers have gotten to know each one, and will fully appreciate having been let in on the journey. Booklist, starred review